Breaking free to tell a new story with Concord Institute for Integral Studies, England

Emma Douglas reviews the iEvolve -The Opening programme in north London, where she sheds her mask, changes her behavioural patterns and learns a new paradigm

What a difference three days can make to one’s entire sense of ‘being’ in the world.  If that sounds disruptive, then brace yourself. The Concord Institute for Integral Studies “iEvolve” programme is no ordinary retreat.

My journey of “ontological self-inquiry” unfolds in the pleasant, if pared back, environs of a north London community centre and gardens. I’ve little idea what’s in store but am reassured by the warm reception from the Concord team, and a peaceful backdrop of birdsong and children’s laughter from the park. We are a group of 15 men and women, culturally diverse and ranging in age from early 20s to late 50s. Our professions span the worlds of medicine, pharmacology, mental health, education, hospitality, social work, music and the arts. Regardless of our life path, we are here with an open mind, ready to re-set.

This long weekend of dialogue and inquiry will encompass a delicious plant-based menu, inspired by a macrobiotic approach and an emphasis on seasonal, balanced nutrition. We will explore physical movement, drawn from shamanic traditions, to energise and relax the body, and increase mental acuity and consciousness.  The focus, however, is to deconstruct and evaluate what we ‘know’ and believe of the life we lead and the role we play in the world. 

Day 1 sets the scene, framing life as we often perceive it: ‘out there’, happening ‘to’ us.  We reflect on how we absorb and communicate our experiences, whether through logical thought, or through sensing and emotion; how this, in turn, impacts on important relationships and dynamics in our lives.  Digging deeper, group members share life-shaping events and subsequent entanglement with behavioural patterns. Our dialogue - increasingly existential - is punctuated by meditation and movement, from graceful postures to energy release through full body vibrations.  The process is surreal, but I’m ready for more.

Day 2 picks up the pace.  Heart-rending stories emerge.  I’m floored by the courage in the room and start to wonder what on earth I can bring to this group. Our astute facilitator navigates my opening tale of professional volatility, in a career built on crisis and fragility, before asking me to go further back.  I’m soon revealing childhood bereavement and the tactics I’ve deployed ever since for self-preservation and control amidst chaos.  The mask comes off.  This is confronting, exposing and yet cathartic in equal measure.

“iEvolve is a stripped back, honest inquiry into the ‘nature of being’. Supported by a highly professional team and generous volunteers, it evaluates what it is to lead a less ego-centric, more conscious and more intentional life. It is about agency, power and choice”

Throughout the retreat, we continue to build trust, sometimes breaking with normal social etiquette. At one point, we sit quietly while holding the gaze of the person opposite. Initially self-conscious, I manage to detach from my ‘self’ to focus instead on seeing the person in front of me.  I do not have the words - having heard their story - to convey what I want to, so this unfamiliar practice feels apt.  Two strangers, simply there for one another.  

Happily, there is levity too.  Soaking up the sun during breaks, we relish a sense of the ridiculous, having opted to dismantle our whole life construct on this sunny spring weekend. Chef Jean Torné triumphs with colourful, flavoursome meals that, together with thoughtful touches from the host team, ensure we remain in good spirits throughout. 

Day 3 removes the stabilisers entirely. We ride, sometimes freewheeling, into the unknown. Our questions may have few answers, but we start to see life differently: ‘in here’ within us, shaped ‘by’ us.  We reflect on attachment to suffering, and the adventure that lies in moving forward, and beyond, into a new paradigm.  Myriad writers serve as inspiration, but I’m most struck by poet Rabindranath Tagore’s observation that: ‘[…] when old words die out on the tongue, new melodies break forth from the heart; and where the old tracks are lost, new country is revealed with its wonders.’ 

In the days that follow, I look forward to reuniting with my fellow iEvolvers for a final, online session.  It is a welcome landing for our journey.  I sense a collective relief amongst the group, a weight lifted, as each of us speaks of a changed outlook on the world. Our farewell feels at once poignant, necessary and exciting.

iEvolve is a stripped back, honest inquiry into the ‘nature of being’. Supported by a highly professional team and generous volunteers, it evaluates what it is to lead a less ego-centric, more conscious and more intentional life. It is about agency, power and choice.    My parting recommendation?   Buckle up and enjoy the ride.