On acceptance

What if, instead of trying to fix every flaw, we could simply accept ourselves as we are? asks breathwork therapist Rebecca Dennis 

We are all too familiar in contemporary society with the relentless pursuit of success – but the relentless pursuit of self-improvement has now also become an unspoken mantra, turning the path of self-healing and therapy into just another chore that demands relentless effort. 

 The belief that we must tirelessly work to fix our emotional or mental state leads to a paradox: the harder we push for healing, the more elusive it becomes. In our determination to solve every perceived flaw, we risk becoming trapped in a cycle of failure or not being enough, as if our worth is tied solely to the ability to conquer every internal struggle.

This unyielding focus on self-betterment often perpetuates an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. For many, the quest to ‘fix’ themselves becomes an exhausting treadmill of effort and disappointment. 

As a breathwork therapist, I often hear: ‘I need to fix this’, or ‘If I can let this go, I’ll finally be able to move forward’. It’s a narrative rooted in the belief that something within us is inherently broken and must be repaired before we can feel whole. 

People exhaust themselves striving for the perfect practice, pushing for a cathartic release, and berating themselves if they do not experience the transformation they long for. What if we allowed ourselves to believe that we are not broken? What if, instead of trying to fix every flaw, we could simply accept ourselves as we are? 

It is useful to recognise that time alone does not heal all wounds - rather, it is acceptance that can foster true healing. When we relinquish the need to solve every problem, we create space for a profound shift. By surrendering to the chaos and imperfection of life, we can find that some troubles dissolve naturally, while others simply retreat into quiet, waiting until we are ready to address them.

In this acceptance lies a powerful truth: we are enough as we are. The journey of self-healing is not about achieving a destination of perfection, but about learning to be at peace with who we are. This doesn’t mean ignoring areas of growth or brushing aside challenges; instead, it means embracing the totality of our experiences without the burden of unrealistic expectations.

The process of acceptance often begins with the simplest yet most challenging of acts: presence. In my work with clients, we often start by unlearning the compulsion to push and instead establish safety in being. Breathing in, breathing out, and simply listening to the body can feel deceptively mundane. Yet this mundanity is sacred, an anchor that allows us to connect with ourselves. It is in these quiet moments that we learn to trust the language of our nervous system, to sit with our discomfort without judgement, and to honour the slow, organic process of growth.

Healing is not a sprint; it is an ever-evolving journey. It is unrealistic to expect that we can resolve the complexities of personal and collective trauma in a single lifetime. By releasing the relentless pursuit of healing, we can relax and feel less exhausted. In this gentle embrace of who we are, we find freedom. 

more about rececca dennis

Rebecca Dennis is an Integrative Somatic Breathwork Practitioner. She’s running a retreat in India 23rd February - 1st March 2025. Find out more.